My friend Mike Irvine and I were getting coffee at our moms' coffee shop the other day and we were discussing the upcoming massive changes in our lives: him, marriage; me, moving. How do we anticipate change? How do you peer over the horizon at the new Self that is journeying toward you? Do you sit down and light up a cigarette and wait for it to come to you? Or do you run and embrace the new Self?
I'm currently working on curriculum for Prokope. One of our lessons is called "Memorials: Creating and applying a personal framework of growth assessment." In the context of this curriculum, the concept is to evaluate our growth not in terms of behavioral change from week to week, but striving to evaluate our growth through the wider lens of our entire development. A helpful tool is searching for "memorials" in our histories - those "chapter splits" in our stories which signify transition. For example, I am significantly healthier today than when I was a teenager and a detective was sitting on my couch when I got home from school. I don't seem much different today from yesterday perhaps, but I am significantly stronger now (by allowing my weakness to remain as a sort of filter in my life) than the day I was taking a shower and got this little idea about a group that decides to be honest about the crap we go through and how we can find Christ there with one another.
Anyway, I guess I'm wondering how we can erect memorials at the moment of our transition, so as to provide ease in cognitive retreival when looking back over how we've evolved. Other than participating in physical symbolic activities (Lord's Supper, visiting special locations, writing out thoughts and burning them), all we can do is experience the change and evaluate the connections later. That's why I love the authenticity exhibited in Prokope: you get to witness students literally making meaning of why they are. It is such a holy process, for Christ is actively redemptive there, as he was in the moment of pain and these moments of his grace-saturated embrace.
Yes, it seems like we are to allow ourselves to simply experience the change and all the joys, surprises, discomfort, relief, awkwardness, tension, ambivalence, and worship that will accompany our transition. Spending all our time in evaluation will keep us "on the sidelines" for too much of the game. I do feel like my thoughts on this issue are scattered, so forgive me. Perhaps it's because I'm trying to write a lesson about looking at our contextual histories, how to follow the biblical act of memorial-construction, and trying to incorporate Robert Kegan's concept about evolutionary truces that occur in the death of one self and inauguration of another - all while undergoing a significant change myself. Thanks for letting me try to draw connections.
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4 comments:
Mmmmm...evolutionary truces.
I wonder, Sam, is there anyone in Prokope who you would look back on and feel proud of them for how far they have come? (I'm not looking for a name) I wonder if developing the capacity to see victory in other people is a form of memorializing what God is redeeming in us, especially if we were an important part of the context in which is occurs. Teachers get to have memorials too, don't they? It's tough being in the trenches with people, unloading their crap and crying out to the Lord for His mercy, but it is, like Byron says, a sacred space.
I'm excited for you and Gordon-Conwell. Be gentle with them, ok? ;)
When I found out that we were going to have a baby there was a surprising amount of sadness that came with the overwhelming joy. I was so excited to be a dad and to meet my daughter but I also experienced sleepless nights as I mourned the loss of the freedom and youth that was part of being a young married person without kids. And now that I am a parent I am finding more periods of mourning as I interact with my own parents and am reminded of the safety and stability of growing up in their home. It's difficult to move through the stages/seasons of life and I am discovering how important those times are. Am also discovering that many people move through them without much thought. I wonder what we miss by trying to get through without mourning and celebration?
Patrick - you be completely right. There are several gentlemen who have grown leaps and bounds and I cannot express how honored I am to be able to witness God's work in their lives. Mike and I frequently revel in the moment the "light" goes on in Prokope members. It can be grueling at times, but - you are right - the teacher needs growth assessment as well, and what better grounds for growth than struggle?
Dustin - absolutely! I don't mean to draw everything to Prokope, but we have a lesson where we try to get members to experience their history emotionally - grieving their loss of innocence or freedom (or whatever). Our conclusion? Taking them to the table of the Eucharist. Yes, we must mourn (or celebrate) those times to their fullest, but only Christ can fully heal (or conclude).
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